Hmm... so long no write blog liao loh

Hehe... so long liao i didnt write blog... though... i still like always... desperate about everything... i always worrying about all sort of stuffs... like for example , studies and alot of things. Haizz... how was i going to continue live? I always know how to worry but dont know how to solve it by myself. How? i always question my self... why? still.... i always still need to solve it myself...but still... i know i have to face them , but.... i always think too much... so that i failed at the end... but i still dont know what to say about myself... though... everytime... i know we must love ourself... to become a successful person... though i still havent reach that Level... that i can prove myself that i am a usefull person... , I am a lazy person... and i dont know what to do everytime i faced a problem...T.T . Sadness.... i only know how to sad , worry , avoid . . . . but i still have to face them.... i feel like i am so useless.... though... i know... a person must be tough... strong and successful.... i am still trying.. though i got about 2 months left... i think that's all i can write today... dont really have mood... dont know why... i feel like slacking..but slacking is wasting my time... but dont know why...i always so...emotions...T.T

Am i actually a Emo guy?

Haizz... i am always like this , always think of nonsense and worried about this and that... made me frustrated... and sometimes i cant even think of anything... it was like my mind was blank out.... and i wonder why.... many people said i was so emo...but i dont really get that...i am emoing ^^ kinda like... i didn't noticed that i am emoing or something... but the time i was alone... i really think of anything... but really the sad moments...really could make me cry... but of cause the tears doesn't really come out from my eyes ...sometimes even a song or a music could make me think of something...memories..that`s why ... when i go to vacation or a trip... i will bring my MP3 so that the song will record my memories... and when i heard back the songs i brought to the trip... i will remember what i done that day.. and it was really fun after all . Haha... people mostly took camera to snap their memories... but i record them by musics... and songs. 1 more thing is... the moments i recorded sometimes is with my families... but to me... without anybody other than my parents... i actually feel lonely... When in the night in the sentosa island i went in singapore...that night... i can feel like i am in a winter... the cold breeze blew through me... and i feel sad cause that there`s nobody beside me... experience the Music Fountain that night... the feelings... was like you are nobody in a middle of a forest covered by snow... and lost of directions... blind.. blank... i was like in the dark nobody caring me.... by the way... all of this ... have a exception with my parents ^^ cause the caring they gave me is different haha.... but the love i seek of... is different from the love from my parents... that i can actually share with... someone... that i really care... and when that night came... i was missing someone... but the problem here is.... the one i was missing... couldn't know... i am missing her... haha... kinda over already... back to what i am writing... i actually don't know what i am writing either hehe... why do the pain of loneliness that i suffer have to be so pain? 16 Years... of pain... was like i am burnt and was like i was sitting alone under the sky of a full moon... and the moon were bright and round.. but i was alone watching the moon... and the wind blew slowly... like a snow of the winter... that ever fall on the night... waa... where am i? i think that's all for today... nonsense is enough haha... wonder if i wrote anything meaningful. BYe... oyasumi nasai(Gd nite)

The Idiot mind of mine...

For these few days... i was worrying about time`s not enough.. and the homework that school gave quite a lot... that i nearly failed to finished them..but in the end i also finished it...even though i finished my homework... but i will be worrying about can't finished my homework ... cause of i don't know how to schedule my time. I was always slacking around end up... always worrying about my homework... haizz... how long i am gonna suffer a boring life like this? sadness of being alone all the time... while nobody come in to comfort you when you need somebody. I am an idiot that don't know what to do... i am a really stupid person... that have a blank mind.... i am still wondering how people think about me.... for the nonsense i am typing right now... hehe... i hope there`s somebody i could share my smile with... maybe the 1 i love? really is hard to be a person.... life is complicated and also hard , difficult and sad... problems that is coming always... making me always ignore everything... who out there...that will comfort me ? when i need somebody... i am like a sky without clouds.... and space without stars.... 1 shoe of a pair... 1 chair of a set of a table... a sun without a moon... a moon without stars at night... i am kinda like that kind of situation now... I can't actually endure anymore this kind of situation... the Pain Of Loneliness...and sometimes.... i do feel that if i love someone secretly... is useless but... maybe after confessed to her... i may ending up getting reject... by the way... i am bored of this kind of life.... who could actually pull me out of a well.... that i fall down .... and actually was like nobody help me out... and nobody care about me... The Pain Of Lonely Is the most pain i ever suffer... is a pain inside the heart... like i had been stab by a sword... or a knife.. before sleep... i will also think of... something... that mostly like... memories that are unforgettable... hehe... that will make me sleep well... but after wake up the next morning... i feel the same thing... when nobody was beside me... and all.... Listening to music alone... eating alone ... studying alone. Play games alone... and ... sleeping alone.. haha... i think that`s all for today. janai( Cya)

The Day in My Own House alone..

Today... was holiday for some muslim holiday.... wonder what is the special day that we don`t need to go to school...Then i woke up at about.. 11.00 a.m lol was sleepy though. Then i go eat my breakfast after i bath.... then play Cabal Online... while afking and reading mangas... was very bored... haizz... Don`t Know want to do what.. then i ma go to chat with my neighbour loh. just beside my house . Hehe... he is a funny person. and he just came back from NS. Just chat with him about my love life. that i am always a failure in love.... that i didn't even once success in a confesion XD... very funny hor? maybe i am not famous or... i am not interested with anybody... or maybe i am bored person. Don't Know why i am always thinking of how do people think of me... but mostly people will advice me of.... don't the heck cares what of people think of you.. just be your self.. But i actually cant don't care when a girl think of me. That`s why i am so consider about my attitude and my personality. But is really sad for the one who said bad things about me... don't know la.. by the way late jor... gonna sleep... bye...

A Boring Day....

Haizz.. bored.. tomorrow is school day liao... sometimes.. i feel like is exciting , when the school life come backs... but i feel lazy sometimes before the holiday .. the Homeworks @.@ too many sometimes... when go to school... also like a same old boring day loh... facing the same person.. doing the same thing... cause all the time , when school life .. all is schedule that`s why is bored =.=" . The time in school makes my life time pass a lot faster than usual... the most thing i hate is... i have to face the person i don't like... they are my EX- friends , can be say also my EX-Classmates.. They still don't want to wake up from their childish world kind of dreams... at least.. study a little bit hard than usual... improve a bit . But they wont listen or wont wake up from the dream... still dreaming all the time... Don't feel like talking about them ... about life... is bored for me... i actually don`t like the way of my life... passed so fast... in secondary school life... 5 years ... so fast... now already SPM..
Wonder i can get good result for my this year`s Exam... Lazyness dragged my result`s down... sadness dragged my happiness down , everyday i can`t actually smile except those who are friendly with me... if not i wont actually smile... Don`t have the happy feelings... cause all of my closest friends are my seniors ... mean those who already graduated... now they graduated already... so in school i seems like lonely also loh... cause don`t have much friends ma... so when alone sitting in class... very sien 1 >.<>

The Feelings ... of a Lonely Boy

Haizz.. why do a lonely guy... always have to do everything by his own.. and i didn't mean friends or family .. but i mean couple. Honestly since i was born until now (16 Years old) i didn't been together with somebody before.. and is very sad for being alone every time , loneliness is the most fearful things i ever feared... T.T i am bored of being a single. But i most beh song... the girls that look on appearance more than my heart...but sometimes we boys also look on appearance ... ^^ so i cant deny them look on my appearance . wonder how am i gonna get a Girlfriend... but if i got a girlfriend... me also don't know what to do... cause didn't actually got a girlfriend before ma... haizz..
Don't Know hor... this blog is meaningless ma... by the way i am just telling how i feel T.T .. very sad de loh...